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06 November 2013 @ 05:55 pm
email I sent dale  

me: I am not going anywhere this thanksgiving so you can have oli whenever and for however long, but my dad is having his christmas on the saturday before christmas at 2pm and I hope to take oli..?

 

dale: Well we've already planned to do thanksgiving the weekend after in Lawrence so everyone can go. And you hope to take oli for what like an hour ....not counting drive time of course? You really hurt me on Halloween and I want to work with you, I really do, but it cant be a one way street. I do my best to just let you live your life with out causing trouble for you. But me having to deal with problems that arent mine seems unnecessary.   You are trying to screw me over by saying you aren't going to let me claim oliver for taxes when you were told how much I need to so I can start doing better for our son. So its not hurting just me it'll hurt him too. So it comes down to are you going to work with me all the time not just when its convenient. We need to be adults about our situation since it is our own doing. No more since he did this or she did that or he doesnt care so why should I. We are in this as parents to a boy that deserves both of us at our best and we cant do that if we are fighting and bringing other peoples problems into this guiding our choices. We need to do whats right for oliver.
my email:
Writing you back on here because it's easier to type on a computer than texting something this lengthy.

 

I take care of our son the majority of the time.
I feed him, bathe him, take him to the sitter, pick him up from the sitter, pack his lunch everyday, make sure his teeth are getting brushed, I take him to the doctor/dentist when he needs to go. I do these things.
I have sacrificed living in a nice place to living in this tiny apartment so that I can go to school and not have to work; so that I can take care of our child and provide him with a parent who is around more often than not. I could choose to work and go to school, but who would be raising our child? Neither of us. I live off student loans so that I can do this, and student loans don't go very far, pennies are pinched over here.
I have asked you for your financial help, the only help that you can provide him with right now other than taking him on weekends; and you have denied it.
These are all facts.
More facts: I live in a dinky apartment, drive a car that isn't mine, and am only able to go to school and be a mother at the same time because my father has provided me with a place to live while I better myself so that I can ensure that the future is worth getting to for our child.
You live in a nice apartment, have somehow acquired a new car (I wont pretend to know where the money came from to buy it, but you have it, regardless), you get to go to school and work and have these luxuries. You get every weekend with your child and have the time to do fun activities while you have him, where I don't get a single weekend to do cool things with him.
I have allowed you to have every weekend, when I'm not required to. I have done this for him. I have given up fun times in exchange for being the everyday boring, disciplinarian, underappreciated, stressed out most of the time - mother.

 

You bring all of this up, because I ask for a  few hours on a Saturday, on a Saturday that I don't legally have to give you. I don't have to give you anything, as there is no paperwork and you do not provide child support for your son. I give you this time for him. I ask you for permission to take him to my father's Christmas as a nicety, it is me being a grown-up, and co-parenting. Allowing you to take him for an hour on Halloween was also an example of this, as I did not even get an hour of trick or treating in with him, because drive-time was figured into my time and trick or treating ended at 8. and yet I did not complain. 

 

For you to feel you are entitled to claim him on your taxes is a bit wild; considering all of the above. You do not have him 6 months or more out of the year. You do not provide financial support for him. And furthermore to say that finishing college is a benefit to him.. how? I have him mon-fri, I provide for him. And unless you intend to try and take me to court after you graduate and get primary custody, it appears that any financial gain that completing school and getting a job will attain will be a benefit to you and not necessarily to him, because you have a job now and still cannot contribute more than 48 hours of your time to the raising of our child.
And if there is going to be an argument about how you only have him two days a week being my fault; remember that I was fine with it being 50/50 and slowly you could no longer do it, I have stepped up and taken responsibility for him.
Not only this, for you to claim him would be committing fraud. So perhaps instead of expecting me to help you finish school, why don't you petition your family. As I have had to do.  As you have made it clear that it is not your job to ensure that I can succeed at school, why would it be my job to ensure that you can?

 

And this may all upset you; but ask yourself, what you would do if the roles were reversed?

 

I don't intend on fighting with you or being angry about this, these are just facts.